That Was The Week That Was 09-13 January 2023
What’s in a name?
A rose, as Juliette laments to Romeo, would smell as sweet, regardless of its name. A good point. But for some reason, names matter, which is why we should all stand and applaud the work done at the European Court of Justice this week, the week that was. First out of the blocks for the new year, and what a start! Press release number 1 of 2023 from that august, but normally somewhat sombre body is a corker. It turns out that judges are human too, and as Shakespeare so nearly noted in a different play, if you cut them, do they not bleed? Are they not entitled to see the funny side too? Where is Cyndi Lauper when you need her? Judges just wanna have fun.
From now on, in the interests of preserving anonymity and privacy, applicants for preliminary rulings are to be given fictional names the ECJ has announced. You could not make this up, except of course, that is exactly what some clerk in the bowels of the ECJ will be doing. He or she will be giving applicants whose claims may (or may not) be held to be without merit a means of disguising their stupid, vindictive, pointless application. Give them a fake name. No-one need ever know. If it is, in fact, meretricious, then they can use their real name, head held high, for all to recognise.
But names are tricky things. It simply does not matter what name you use, there will always be someone somewhere with that name and he or she will be only to happy to take offence. Names out of favour and out of use in one country may well continue in good standing in others. It is good to remember that for every Theresa Green or P. Ines, there will be some Dick Head. So, the challenge is on for the poor put upon clerks to find non-offensive fictional names.
This is the point on which we would like to offer advice and assistance. Fictionalising names does not go far enough! To avoid offence the names have got to be really, really, Out There. They need honourifics as well. Mahatma Otis Cribblecoddle is much less likely to offend Otis, if he discovered he is now a mahatma. Lord of the Files Jim Jackotrades sounds better, even to Jum. Jack Jimotrades, First Samurai of the Butter Knives. Who could take offence at that?
Justice delayed is justice denied, but justice behind silly names is justice still. The sillier the name, the more will justice be served. The European Court of Justice (real name available on request) has decreed accordingly.